A recent interaction I had caused me to do some deeper reflection. Disclosure: I come at this reflection from a lifetime of being a critical thinker (thank you to my high school history teacher - Mr. Schrader), years of pastoral counseling, teaching critical thinking to my students, personal spiritual reflection, and being an historian as a student and teacher.
I was taken by surprise when a young person I have known for a long period of time made a choice to show me public disrespect. My first instinct was to do what I picked up from my mother’s example - simply dismiss this inappropriate behavior by saying, “that’s just the way so-and-so is.” That is a coping strategy, but in this case, since I know this person and care about him, I made a choice to point out the disrespect - hoping it was unintentional and that he would see it as inappropriate. He informed me that it was intentional, and there would be no apology. Instead, I was told that I was showing disrespect to him by pointing out his disrespect. As I reflected upon this, I wondered if there was actually something I had done to cause hurt to this individual. But there was nothing, other than we have different perspectives on life. Perhaps he was simply being closed-minded and couldn’t accept that I was different from him. This is a possibility. Such an attitude has been a problem for him in the past. If so, there will be little I can do to change the situation. His consistent insistence on his being “right” will preclude any possibility of meaningful dialog. I considered that perhaps his attack and transference came as a result of some psychological issues he is struggling with. Again, since I have known this individual for a long time, I know this is a possibility. If this is so, there will be little I can do to alleviate the situation unless he seeks some therapy. Another possibility is that he has seen this type of behavior modeled by others and considers it acceptable rather than inappropriate. He has certainly seen this modeled by the leader he follows. If this is the cause of his action, again there is little I can do, other than to hope he ultimately sees the negative consequences of this type of behavior. Yet another possibility is that this is a manifestation of the breakdown of our social contract. The religious tradition I was raised in and which still strongly influences my spiritual life taught me to respect life. The commandment against killing was taken to be a prohibition against harming another in any way. So, while being shown disrespect is not ultimately as harmful as death, it is the case that when I am on the receiving end of such action - I am harmed. It is a breakdown of the social order in which I grew up. So, is this intentional display of disrespect by a young person I know a manifestation of an assault on the social order? Perhaps he has not intentionally thought it out to be so - but it is. Again, there is little I can do about his actions and decisions. But I still care about him and have concern for him on his spiritual journey. As an educator (a teacher of history and civics) I wonder whether his action is a failure of our educational system. Have we done such a poor job of teaching our people to live within the social contract of our society so that such behavior is acceptable in the minds of some of our citizens. From this action, and other actions and comments this individual has made, it is apparent that he has come to a place where he considers his personal beliefs and welfare above that of other members of society. This attitude appears to be commonplace in our present society. I certainly am a believer that every human has basic human rights, but when I taught Civics, I made it a point to teach my students that living in a society means having rights AND the responsibility of respecting other people's rights. One person's rights do not transcend another’s human rights. Is his failure to learn this a failure of our educational system, or is it his failure? At this point, if you have read this far in into this rambling personal reflection, you may be wondering - Why share this? I do have a purpose. I realize that there is very little chance that I will have an effect upon the young man who showed disrespect for me - he won’t even be reading this. However, I do hope that some who witness this personal reflection on my soul’s journey through this life will be encouraged in their reflections. This relatively minor show of disrespect could easily be ignored. It has no major impact on my psyche. Yet, because I am an introspective person, I tend to think critically about my experiences and the world around me. The first lesson of life I would share with my readers is that it is tempting to explain occurrences in life in simplistic ways, however this situation reveals that there are many and complex factors involved in even the simplest of human experiences and interactions. The second lesson is that the personal peace and spiritual serenity I have come to on my soul’s journey through this life is not threatened by such interaction, but rather reinforces my desire that those who perpetuate such harm will live long enough to ultimately come to a place on their soul’s journey where they might experience peace and grace - resulting in love of their fellow humans as well as all of creation. The third lesson concerns our human society. We have lived through centuries of the human experience in expanding our human understanding and application of the human rights expounded upon in the Enlightenment. However, we do not live in a perfect society. Progress may come in fits and starts, but progress will come. People filled with pain and hatred in their hearts will seek to damage others and society, but ultimately they will fail. Humanity will move on. The fourth lesson concerns personal responsibility. We have responsibility to love and care for each other, but we also have responsibility to accept that we do not control the actions of others and that they will ultimately bear responsibility for their own actions. I have an inclination to want to “fix” things for my young friend, yet I cannot. Ultimately he must bear the responsibility for what he says and what he does. I won’t give up on hoping for his growth as a human, but I also won’t take that responsibility away from him. I hope he lives a long life. I hope he grows in grace and wisdom. I hope he ultimately becomes a blessing to all who come into contact with him. In conclusion, during these troubling times in our country, if you are experiencing hardship of any kind, be it as an individual or as a group, don’t give up. Reflect upon your situation and that of others. Strive to do that which is good and just. May you have inner peace as you work for our future humanity - one that is filled with justice and common well-being. Consider these words from Gandhi: “When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”
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Time for Common Sense AgainCommon sense commmentary by Joel Kreger (unless noted and credited to a guest writer) Archives
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